Tag Archives: higher power

On Nostalgia and Desire

The cycle of desire and fulfillment may seem a trap of monumental proportions, but as all traps built in the framework of the mind, it has no inherent reality. Let’s take a look at this cycle of desire, fear, and fulfillment, and how an ache of the heart turned within is our release.

We see that if we want something and then get it, we feel better.  After years of this cycle, we fall for the trick of believing that getting what we want is what life is about. And what would make us happy would be getting what we want, when we want it, all the time. We fail to look closer and see what has really taken place.  Fulfilling desire simply puts it to sleep, and leaves us in the state of no-desire. It causes no fundamental change, and sows the seeds for our future discontent. If we saw behind the circumstance, we would see that the state of no desire, or pre-desire, is what we long for, and would no longer move from it out into the dual dimension of pleasure and pain, the so-called reality of life. This state of peace has been there all along as our true nature, lying much closer than any pleasure object of the world. But this peace is not peace of mind. The mind is motion, and does not manifest in stillness. This state of no-desire is stillness itself, beneath and primal to mind, and is our rest.

Delicate Arch Lovers - by Bob Fergeson
Delicate Arch Lovers

This trap of desire and its fulfillment also involves forgetting. We forget we are fulfilled as we really are, within, and thus move away through temptation and trickery. Not from being pushed, but from being fooled. We have become mesmerized by the world and its sensations, and have forgotten the peace that lies within. A potent cocktail, equal parts faulty memory and a profound propensity towards fantasy and projection, mixed with fear of unfulfilled desire and death, topped off with a passion for grabbing onto everything that feels good, keeps us on the endless loop of turning our attention out into the world for fulfillment, coming back into ourselves to rest, and then going back out again. We have become identified with the world and it’s dual nature, and have forgotten we are complete and forever in the state of fulfillment within, our true home. We are not an animal at heart, though we have come to believe this.

This leads to the longing of nostalgia and how we confuse the circumstances of our childhood events with a purer state within that was also present at the time. It is innocence and lack of guilt that we truly long for, a state before temptation and the chasms of the mind led us out into duality. We long for our childhood or nostalgic scenes, not because these props and times can provide peace, but because our inner state at the time was one of peace. We paint this inner state onto the scenery and confuse the two, fooled again. We mistake the event for the feeling, much as we do the act of fulfillment of desire with the state of no-desire. Nostalgia in its pure spiritual state is not the desire to live in a root-beer commercial, which might be nice, but the longing of our heart for its true state of oneness. Our inherent inner peace passeth all understanding, for to ego and mind, it’s completely unbelievable.

Bob Fergeson


On Meditation

“Man is the Frankenstein of God.”  – Richard Rose

Meditation is the destruction of the sense of ‘self.’  This self has been created by the mind through ignorance, a sort of learned hypnosis, and can be destroyed by the very act of staring it in the face. This is better described as the act of observing ourselves. Thinking we observe ourselves already, we must somehow first become convinced that what we are doing is no such thing, but instead we are blindly creating our own version of the Frankenstein monster, then stepping inside our creation and taking it to be us. This created act of the imagination is never questioned until disaster strikes and the peasants with their torches are banging at the door.


We may actually begin to observe ourselves and find we are a stranger. If we are still intrigued and the intuition awakened, we may be tricked into looking for the problem inside our own head. This revelation that something might be amiss in our own interior, coupled with a bit of intuition and grace, may lead to an interior questioning. Awareness breeds more awareness and soon we may find we have reversed our direction. The creating mind with its compensating imagination may be glimpsed just enough. We may find we are hooked on this self-observation thing. But watch out. The ego and animal nature won’t like this one bit, and will do everything to bring back the good old days of dissipation, drama, and self-created misery. If we are still a tad lucky, we will see through this and have discovered another layer of that which is not us. We place meaning and value on the continual act of observing, the inward listening with attention.
Meditation also involves finding a stable point within. The body/mind is in constant flux; happiness or pleasure are fleeting at best. By sorting through and retreating from this, we eventually go beyond body/mind and find a Place of No Concern, a deep stillness. Thus we find meditation to be a changing process, different at every stage, but final in its result. Eventually we look at the looker, and even look at looking itself.

– Bob Fergeson


Three Causes of Adversity

What follows is a series of letters from Richard Rose to L. written in early 1990.
* * *

Hello L.,
Your letter of Dec. 18th has been sticking on top of my typewriter until now… in fact I was surprised at the date when I saw it.
I am glad to hear that your business is maintaining good momentum. I am always concerned about the stasis, or stagnation of business ventures by people in the group. Because it is the red light of trauma for the individual.
The cause of such trauma is difficult to assess or correct because it can be from a lack of attention by the individual… or it can be entirely from an opposite direction — it can be the take-over of some internal spiritual hunger or attending HGA coming with a shell-bursting Koan. And there is yet a third factor, or possible cause.
The third cause comes from entities… parasites (of a spiritual energy addiction) which throw blocks into any spiritual endeavor that might threaten their food supply.
What do we do about it? We must cover all three possibilities. If adversity is reflected in what seems to be our actual, physical survival, we must double our efforts and attention… and never give into blaming it on the times or on persecution.
If we think it might be a spiritual Koan we plug along with an eye to any possible gains from such a Koan.
If it is a negative attack, we must eliminate all action or habits that would feed the power of a physical attack that threatens the mental energy, so that we don’t surrender like a falling house of cards, all the while babbling to one’s self about the many possible diagnoses that might have caused the dead-end state of mind.
Just this morning I ran across a bookmark. I cannot remember the exact message… or its author… I thought it might have been placed in the mail by some well-meaning Christian sect. It said in effect — Do all things for the sake of a higher power, and it will correctly guide your every step.
Amazing! I thought. For this I have always believed since I was in my early twenties. The advice covers all three possibilities to problems of adversity.
There is a god within every man… that finds his contact with the chief Engineer of this scenario… the Absolute God that has everything planned or is able to at least enable us to see that everything is for the best. And the best includes eternal contentment at the cost of momentary inconvenience.

What follows is the follow-up letter from Rose to L., from the preceding letter, above. It defines some of the abbreviated terms used in the preceding letter and is not dated. It was handwritten by Rose and signed with an uppercase “R” with no period.
* * *

Finally getting a chance to catch up on the mail. As you probably know I was hit by a car in December. Did not require hospitalization but it played hob with my vertebrae and the nerves.
In answer to your question of the front of this page HGA is a Holy Guardian Angel. The “HGA” is used by esotericists and some alchemists who feel it is like the word JHVH. HGA is a humanoid or angelic messenger. JHVH is the eternal Absolute or Essence.
KOAN is a Zen word for a puzzle or catalytic limerick that will bring about better insight.
About moods. Nostalgic Moods are never seductive or acquisitive.
Hang in There
* * *

* * *
Hello L.
I received your letter last Saturday. We are like ships at sea. The man at the wheel has to be firmly in control of the ship or body.
I can see that you have been hit by a hurricane.
We are attacked if we momentarily are exposed to parasitical forces or divine forces. (either)
If your course is straight and selfless – all will [turn] out well.
Be careful about publicizing and great windfalls of opportunity. The bats in the belfry and rats in the cellar mount an attack – to provoke an action that will feed the entities, that want you to be poor and weak.
If you have been attacked by the divine forces, – all will be well.
May the light within guide your course.
R.  (Richard Rose)



Paradox and Prayer

” If you are willing to realize that you cannot create your own virtues or changes; if you are willing to feel the pain of emptiness, helplessness, and inadequacy; if you are willing to wait, knowing that of yourself you can do nothing – then you will be facing Reality correctly.” Roy Masters


For true spiritual progress, to get beyond the dualistic mind, we need to pray for the gift or grace of three things. The first is the ability to acknowledge our higher Self, to really and truthfully come to see this higher power. Second, to tell the higher power, from our heart, that we make an unconditional commitment to the truth. We will do whatever is necessary, including surrender of our will, schemes, and dreams, in favor of the higher wisdom. The paradoxical third part, and by far the most difficult, is that we then have to forget this. In practical application we have to forget it. Otherwise the ego, our little self, the petty tyrant, will take over, and surely mess things up. We must allow the higher power to call the shots.

Woods of Bagsvaerd
Woods of Bagsvaerd

Somehow, we must have faith in the higher power and it’s ability to set things up, to bring us the gift, the grace, of stopping our head. We have to be stopped in order to realize our ego is not infallible and doesn’t always have our best spiritual interest in mind. A paradox too, because this might have to happen before we’ll agree to any of this. We have to be stopped. This means we have to come to the point where we realize we’re helpless, and have limits. Very definite, little limits. That as we are, under the sway of the reflexive ego-mind, nothing will fundamentally ever change. And that everything is in the hands of the higher power. This is surrender.

This is paradoxical in that we have to be stopped, to realize our helplessness, before we’ll ask the higher power for help. And we will not make a commitment before we know of no other way, but yet we will do none of this, really, until we are stopped. This paradox cannot be understood by the willful mind that believes itself to be the highest form, but the heart knows it’s true, and somehow, paradoxically, we just have to do it. This is also self-inquiry.

Absolutely necessary in our ascent into paradox and grace, is the ability to pray. Pray to the higher power, that unknown but somehow felt wiser part of Us. If you have a sincere desire for relief from misery, to get away from yourself; learn to pray.  If you have an intense curiosity about the truth, but know that as you are, as ego, you will never be able to stop yourself, and if you stay the same, so your life will stay the same; learn to pray. If you realize your need for true discrimination, to tell the high from the low, to know when you are being fooled, and when and how you fool yourself; learn to pray.

We pray for the higher power to make itself known to us, to stop us, and show us what we need to do.

Serenity Prayer
Serenity Prayer

To help us. We may feel we have little, but we can have these three things, these three graces: to acknowledge and allow the higher power to help us, to make a commitment to its wisdom, and to allow it to change us, to somehow get out of our own way.  And we learn to pray, to ask our Self for help, no matter the consequence to our self.  This is true inquiry and surrender.

Bob Fergeson